I’m many things. I’m a gambling guy. I’m a lover of cheese grits. I really enjoy sleeping until noon while my wife cusses me under her breath. Basset hounds are my favorite breed of dog.
But above all, I’m a college football guy. It’s my favorite sport. I love all sports but if I could wave a magic wand and make one season start right now, I’m picking college football.
So I’ll be part of Barstool’s college football content this season. Like all my content, it’ll be fantastic. My exact role will be determined in time, but I’ll be in the mix. Naturally, you look at me and you think two things: No. 1, his head looks like a piece of chewed bubble gum. No. 2, he’s from Mississippi so he’s naturally going to be an egotistical SEC asshole.
So I want to set some things straight. Yes, I am an egotistical asshole. But no, I’m not a slobbering SEC fan.
I love one SEC team, that’s Mississippi State. Just being honest. But I have a national platform now. I’m not gonna use it to ring a cowbell all damn day.
The other 13 teams in the SEC? I respect them all but I have varying levels of hatred for every single one of them. When it’s warranted, I’ll state the obvious and point out when the SEC is the best league in the country. When the situation calls for it, I’ll also make fun of Auburn, Alabama, Tennessee, all of them.
But seriously the SEC is the best conference, folks.
Bottom line is this: College football starts in three months and I’m so excited about it that my fatass is writing a blog about it at 3 a.m.
That’s how fucked up I am.
Brief thoughts about college football in 2019:
1) Trevor Lawrence will be the best player in the country the next two years, but Tua will win the 2019 Heisman.
2) I love that players can transfer and pretty much play right away these days. That’s how it should be. Nobody made me sit out when Portnoy hired me on national radio.
3) If LSU and Captain Caveman lose to Texas in Week 2, I’ll be happier than a two-dicked dog.
4) People will be all over Nebraska to start the season because Frost can coach, but my pick for surprise team in the Big Ten West is Minnesota (Fleck can coach his ass off, too) because they bring back a ton from a team that was pretty damn solid by the end of 2018.
5) The five places I haven’t been to that I most want to visit for a game: Michigan, Notre Dame, Oregon, Texas A&M, and BYU. I don’t know why BYU. Utah fascinates the shit out of me.
6) Me and Iowa don’t get along. I’ll explain that in a blog later.
7) Oregon-Auburn is the most interesting early-season non-conference game, because the team that loses might be good and fucked for the rest of the season. LSU-Texas might also qualify here.
8) Michigan State will give at least one of the big 3 in the Big Ten East fits.
9) Oklahoma’s offense and shitty Big 12 defenses have created two straight Heisman winners, but Jalen Hurts ain’t that guy.
10) Reno 911 is probably the most underrated TV show of all-time. That as nothing to do with college football but somebody needed to say it.
11) The best stadium and in-game atmosphere that I’ve experienced so far is LSU, by a mile. I’ll experience more this season.
12) I bet on Pac 12 games even when I don’t know what I’m talking about.
13) I want Nick Saban to retire and go the hell away.
14) But for real, the SEC is still the best conference right now.