So one young gentleman on today’s show had a simple statement followed by a question: “Taking engagement pics tonight. Any suggestions?”
Actually, yes. Here was my advice: Take advantage of the fact that you’ll have a professional photographer available tonight. Go ahead and ask for some solo shots of just you. Because this is the best you’ll ever look. Soon, you’ll be married. You’ll put on 30 pounds and start to go bald. You’ll never look better than you do right now.
So take that pic. That way, once the divorce is final, you’ll have a solid image to put on your pathetic, recently divorced Tinder profile. Because let’s be honest: Any young men who’s degenerate enough to watch my gambling show at 5 p.m. probably isn’t marriage material. And I mean that in the nicest way possible. I wish I weren’t marriage material sometimes.
If you’d like to ask me for life advice, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org for a new feature I call “40-year-old dad of four dispenses useless life advice to dudes who have it better than him.”
Anyway, the picks:
Mississippi State-Louisville over 9
Marlins ML (+165) over Cardinals
Yankees ML (-130) over Astros
Oh yeah. One more thing. I nearly got into a fistfight at the beach today. Some fatass named Jeremy talked shit about my 3-year-old kid. I didn’t like it. He didn’t like me, either. Beach cops broke it up. You know how sad of a day it is when beach cops have to intervene?
I think I might be an asshole.