So this past weekend I’m sitting around minding my own business, when I get a DM from some twitter egg account that claims to have evidence supported by our own videos of cheating in marble racing. Naturally, my interest was piqued. The drama surrounding our office’s new found love of marble racing has been well documented. Marble racing is an exhilarating ride and it has captivated many of us, including myself, Smitty, Marty, Big Ev, Coley, Ria, Hank, and Glenny, just to name a few. However, with joy comes pain. There have been ceaseless allegations of cheating and illegal conduct by nefarious scoundrels.
Much of the allegations have been directed at one Martin J. Mush. Big Ev and Smitty have claimed that Marty is watching videos at home, memorizing who wins, then brings that information into the office and uses it to influence his draft picks. I want to be clear here, I have never believed that Marty is cheating. In fact, the idea is almost laughable. Think about it. For Marty Mush to be cheating at marble racing, he has to go home, watch a lot of videos, remember the winners of each heat in each video. Now the tricky part is they use the same marbles in different videos. So Marty has to watch all these videos, keep the videos and their heats straight, then remember which marble wins which heat in which video. Does that sound like the Marty Mush you know and love? No, me either.
However, the DM I received was not about Marty Mush cheating, no, no. It was about the man who brought marble racing into our lives in the first place, Big Ev. Here is the DM I received:
When I saw this I knew I had to investigate further. Big Ev was the person who turned us on to marble racing. He did admittedly spend a long time in his apartment that night watching marble races. Now I had to review the Twitch footage and see if this was indeed correct. So I had someone else spend the time looking for the exact moments in the stream referenced in the DM. Then I sat down and saw this:
Now, those are the videos from our first day of marble racing here in the office. If you forgot what started all this, it was Big Ev and his roommates using marble racing to decide who got the bigger room in their new apartment. The video above was used to make that decision and it was posted on Twitter.com. The video posted was Heat Three of that video, so logic would easily flow that in order to watch Heat Three, Big Ev watched Heat One and Heat Two as well. Here is his original post to refresh your recollection:
Is this definitive, smoking gun type proof? Maybe. Maybe not. But there is a shitload of circumstantial evidence that Big Ev knowingly steered the office to a video he had watched the night before and chose the winning marble. Is it worth all this chicanery and tomfoolery for a measly $10? Probably not, although moving is expensive, especially in New York City. However, being able to walk around this hyper sexualized office with your head held high as the cock of the marble walk? That, my friends is priceless.