Barstool’s Champions League Preview – Matchday 5b

Sam’s Soccer Safe Space For Stoolies


Hi haters,

Wednesday before Thanksgiving. Ain’t nobody working. Most of y’all are probably half in the bag already in preparation for trying and failing to hook up with one of your exes tonight. Nothing like a little world class soccer to make the time fly by. But first let’s take a moment and bask in the glory of our beloved sexy soccer anthem:



Scores from yesterday:


Group tables as things stand right now:


And the games on deck today:




Liverpool [-260]
Napoli [+600]
Draw [+375]

REVENGE GAME! Liverpool have lost one game (in regulation): at Napoli on Matchday 1. Despite an impressive run of results, from a form perspective the Reds have not exactly been killing it lately. In fact they have been doing jusssssssssst enough to win in pretty much every time out for months… which isn’t all that troubling against the likes of City, Arsenal and (arguably) Spurs but Liverpool have just barely skating by against the likes Aston Villa, Genk and Palace could – if one were looking for one – be a bit of a red flag.

Fun fact about Napoli though: they kinda STINK right now. They haven’t won a game since mid-October and there seems to be some turmoil behind the scenes. Not a great time to have to go to Anfield if we’re being honest. There is no question they have the quality to play with Liverpool – they won 2-0 a few months ago after all – but it just feels like right now is not a good time for this game to be played for the Neopolitans.

Liverpool to win 2-0.



Barcelona [-210]
Dortmund [+500]
Draw [+360]

This aint a “regular” beat-your-face-in-and-laugh-at-you-while-doing-it Barcelona side… but it ain’t a “normal” run-and-gun-can-play-with-anyone Dortmund team either. Many of Barça’s more disappointing performances have come away from home though and they still have the best player in the world so if my chice is between them and a team that conspired to cough up three first half goals to piddly ass Paderborn last weekend – I’m going with the first one. Barcelona to win 3-1.

Brace coming for Messi and BVB have Cavani (and their defense) to blame


Ajax [-115]
Lille [+270]
Draw [+295]

Lille have been hugely disappointing all season in Ligue 1 and Champions League, but that’s what happens when you come in thinking Timothy Weah is about to carry you to glory and he tears a hamstring and misses damn near the entire season. He was said to be on the verge of playing against his old club PSG last week but the timetable for his return was suddenly pushed back to (possibly) after winter break. Sucks. As long as he’s ready in time to get some runs in ahead of World Cup qualifying next year though that’s what really matters.

Oh, right, Lille vs Ajax. The Frenchies suck and Ajax are doing what they always do, which is sell their best players for big bucks and immediately restock (usually) via their incredible youth system. Fun fact: the Dutchies have scored precisely four goals for five straight games. If that’s not a sign from the soccer gods I simply don’t know what is. Ajax to win 4-1 and hammmmmmmmmmer the over – unless you hate money.



Some additional picks to increase the statistical chances that I eventually get one right maybe:


Slavia Prague 0-1 INTER – Absolute must-win if the Italians wanna have any chance of advancing to the knockouts. The Czechs don’t suck. They have held Inter and Barca to draws so far. This oughta be a tough one. I’m going with the team that wants/needs it more though.

RB Leipzig 1-2 BENFICA – RBL has been killing it lately so this would be a BIG time upset, especially since they beat Benfica away on Matchday 1. However, bet against the Portuguese at your own peril. (If this was in Portugal it’d be my lock of a lifetime but in Germany not so much… both teams to score? Love it.)


Reminder: More glorious soccer tomorrow. KIDDING! It’s just Europa.

Samuel Army