What Do A Nail And The Browns -6 Tonight Have In Common?

Listen, this is not my first rodeo with the circus that is the Cleveland Browns. I've been apart of this debacle for 27 years now, and my dad and dads dad were ringleaders well before that. Like a movie you've seen a thousand times, I can already tell you what's about to happen tonight. Just like how the calendar cycle and the water cycle continuously repeat themselves, the Browns cycle is just one big circle. Be terrible, fire the coach, get a new QB, get our hopes up, rinse, repeat. Even last week started the season how it always does: full of optimism. We DOMINATED the offseason. This is finally the year. And then boom, like clockwork, we got blown out 38-6. Remember the season before? Same old song and dance. And then the Titans handed us our lunch in Week 1 as well. But do you remember what happened after that.......? I do. And the sharp betters on tonight's game do, too.

That's right folks. As embarrassing as 6-10 was last year, we did come out in Week 2 and beat a terrible Jets team by 20 points. It's part of the cycle. And tonight we find ourselves facing a similarly terrible Bengals team, with an embarrassed and called out Baker Mayfield leading the team out of the tunnel into the fan-less stadium. Pro Football Focus today wrote an article about how Case Keenum could take over for Baker sooner than you think. And there were even mock drafts released this week that had the Browns taking Trevor Lawrence #1 overall in the upcoming draft. Baker is on the hot seat. Listen, for as many faults as Baker has (and there are many right now), Baker does play well when the world is against him. And this week, the world was against him. I expect a BIG game from both Baker and OBJ for that very reason. 

I expect the Browns to roll tonight. At home. On primetime. Angry Baker. Angry OBJ. Forever Angry Myles Garrett. This night will belong to the Browns. The ONLY kink I see in this entire plan is that we just cut our terrible kicker this week to sign double doink Cody Parkey to the 53 man roster. It would be very, very, very, very, very Browns like to see an important field goal go off the post tonight. Either that, or new Bengals kicker Austin Siebert knocks a 60 yarder through for the win.

99.9% chance something out of the ordinary happens with the kickers tonight. But even with that, I still the think Browns come out like gangbusters and just beat the tar out of the Bengals. If the Browns are any good whatsoever, they show up tonight and prove that last week was a fluke. It's crazy because it's only Week 2, but I would classify this as a Must Win for the Browns. Either that or a Can't Lose. 

Oh, and to anyone getting ready to comment how awful of a game they are subjected to watch tonight between the two buttholes of the league, please read below:

Well said, Clem. 

And Happy 100th Birthday, NFL!!!