Barstool’s Weekend Soccer Preview + Predictions – The “Arsenal’s First Test” Edition

Sam’s Safe Space for Soccer Stoolies

Hi Haters™,

Member when sports and more importantly soccer were canceled for several months and there was literally nothing to distract us from the world around us? Man, that frickin sucked. Thank god that’s over. I don’t know about you guys but these days I’ll find myself in the 73rd minute of an otherwise dreary Villa/Sheffield Utd game and yet instead of thinking “man this game frickin sucks” my first thought will be “man this is better than no soccer at all” so thanks for that rona!

Anyway, lots of good games throughout Europe as well as a little closer to hope this weekend. Time to get your mind right!


Scores from last weekend:


1. City
2. Liverpool
3. Chelsea
4. Everton

Honorable mention: Arsenal, Wolves


20. West Brom
19. Fulham
18. West Ham

Dishonorable mention: United

Table as things stand:

And the schedule for the weekend ahead:


Liverpool [-200]
Arsenal [+380]
Draw [+550]

We have all had a lot of fun laughing about (aka at) Arsenal’s defense over the last year or two but it must be said that they have been quietly a lot better than they get credit for lately, which included two wins since the restart over… yep, you guessed it, Liverpool. I still don’t think the Reds looked “all the way back” last week against Chelsea (who were down a guy for a lot of the game) but Liverpool looked “back enough” for me to think they can handle Arsenal, who is probably going to get absolutely dominated in the midfield in this game.

Prediction: Liverpool to win 3-1

City [-333]
Lester [+510]
Draw [+335]

Lester have two wins in two games but based solely on the eye test they don’t look as though they have rediscovered the form that put them in a damn near (sigh) insurmountable lead in third place around the turn of the year. City looked good against Wolves and I would like them more but they will be without their two first choice strikers in Sergio Aguero and Gabby Jesus, which takes a little of their pop away… probably not enough though. Not a bad price if you are looking for a longshot but I’m not feeling it.

Prediction: City to win 2-0

Palace [+280]
Everton [+235]
Draw [+112]

LOCK OF THE CENTURY (Note: this would be lock of the millennium but Everton have found ways to snatch inexplicable defeat from the jaws of victory too many times for me to go that far.)

So first things first: I apologize to Palace. I said they had no chance last week and they came out and mollywhopped United. Well done, Eagles. My suspicion though is that was more about United dropping a wet fart in their first game of the season and Palace – despite notching two wins in two games (after getting extremely lucky against a very meh Southampton side opening weekend) – is prime for a wet fart of their own. I have been high on Everton all season and I ain’t stopping now!

Prediction: Everton to win 2-1


Some more predictions… to increase the possibility that I eventually get one right, maybe (note: gonna start highlighting my BEST BETS – meaning the ones I legitimately like as opposed to just picking because it's kinda my make pretend job – in BOLD): 

UNITED 3-2 Brighton

West Brom 1-4 CHELSEA [also the OVER unless you’re allergic to money]



TOTTENHAM 2-1 Newcastle [note: I do not love this pick at all]

West Ham 1-2 WOLVES

 Fulham 2-2 Villa


MLS – Toronto vs Columbus on Saturday (6:30pm CT) is a playoff preview between two of the better teams in the East 

SPAIN – Real Madrid vs Real Betis is usually a lot more fun than the table would suggest (Saturday at 2pm CT)

GERMANY – Leverkusen vs RBL on Saturday (11:30am CT) 

ITALY – Roma hosting Juventus on Sunday (1:45pm CT) is as good as it gets in Serie A this weekend… hopefully the home side fills out the paperwork correctly so they don’t have to forfeit again (yikes)

So there we have it. Thanks for reading you absolute beauties!

Samuel Army