I made the quick drive to the New Buffalo Michigan rest stop at Exit 1 to lay some action this morning and naturally I want everyone to know about it. Simply put Chicago is wayyyy too close to the Michigan border for me to miss out on my first taste of an Overs Club. Given the strong correlation between owning one of these jackets and getting laid:
I really never had a choice but to cross the land of the Region Rat to get a whiff of Pure Michigan. Other major factors: I traditionally lose every Super Bowl bet and I need good vibes. On that end Michigan is very near and dear to both Tom Brady & Dave Portnoy so it's an easy slam dunk to lean on that.
Another thing is that I'm big on geolocation services, so it was an easy opportunity to test the Barstool Sportsbook App. And even though I get paid to say stuff like this, I really fucking mean it: the geolocation is top notch. No 3rd party app switches. No stalling or PC-load letters. I was less than a mile into state lines and you would've thought I was connected on the East Grand Rapids city hall wifi network. I don't know who deserves credit for that shit but you get a beef.
Speaking of which, good luck to these two Italian beef loving scoundrels tonight:
As someone who lives in the eye of the Barstool Chicago hurricane, I'm excited to sit on the outside and watch the chaos. I've got +350 that WSD spills his grizzly wintergreen spitter on the table at some point during the game. And then even odds Eddie throws out a 2nd quarter phantom clap. One of these days we'll get those kind of props in the SportsBook App.
For now, I would imagine the hundreds of different options should be enough. On my end it took a lot of time and effort to navigate the prop portion of my bet slip but I'm ultimately very satisfied with what I came up with:
- Under 6.5 punts -143
- Brady Over 24.5 completions -118
- Jake Paul Prop - Gronk over 69 yards receiving + touchdown +690
- Most Scrimmage Yards - Edwards-Helaire +900
- Total Points Odd -139
- Coin Toss Tails -103
- Both Teams Score in the 1st Quarter -110
- Total FG yardage Over 125.5 +105
- Lead Change in the 4th Quarter +220
And like I said in the video, I'm taking Brady for the biggest bet of my life. I may not be the richest guy but $1,000 is what I have for tonight. That's enough to get my juices going but comparatively I also really, really want this fucking jacket.
In other news it's really cold outside. Sub zero windchills and scores of negligent neighbors who refuse to salt their sidewalks. My personal advice is to keep the kitchen sink running and the cabinet doors underneath open to increase the temps. You could lose all your bets and wake up with a burst pipe and I'm trying to figure out if that would be emotionally better/worse than winning all your bets and still waking up to the burst pipe. You'd have to waste all your winnings on completely avoidable maintenance. That's why you need to get that sink running and those doors open. Probably the best advice I've ever given on this website.
Finally, enjoy your appetizers today. I really mean that. I know I have a bad reputation in the appetizer community for my commitment to sampler platters but that's really just because I'm a passionate guy.
Deep down I hope everyone of all appetizer types can unite as one and enjoy an evening filled with finger foods. We're all in this together even if I've decided to be a psychopath and make a pot roast. I can't help myself. I'm a sucker for the gravy.
Probably one of the more underrated Super Bowl Sunday sides.