Breaking Down Jake Paul's Wishlist

Jake Paul posted this on Instagram earlier today...

For those who can't read it, Jake's HIT LIST includes...

1. GIB (British YouTuber)
2. Nate Robinson (retired NBA)
3. Ben Askren (UFC)
4. Tyron Woodley (UFC welterweight)
5. Canelo (super-middleweight boxing champ)
6. Nate or Nick Daz (UFC)
7. Kamaru Usman (UFC welterweight champ)
8. Timmy Fury… His name is actually Tommy Fury (light-heavyweight boxer)
9. Conor McGregor (whiskey salesman)
10. KSI (English YouTuber and rapper)
11. Gervonta Davis (lightweight boxing champ)
12. Logan Paul (brother) 

Of the 13 names listed here (including both Diaz brothers as one line item), I have been lucky enough to have interviewed 5 of Jake's potential foes (Nate Robinson, Canelo, Kamaru, KSI, and Tank Davis).

Out of those 5, only 1 has already fought, and when Jake fought Nate Robinson, I believed that Jake would win simply because Nate's inexperience in the ring was greater than Jake's inexperience.

And I was right…

Joe Scarnici. Getty Images.

Since then I have been vocal saying that Jake Paul is not very good AT boxing but is very good FOR boxing… I have a 17-year-old son, who never asked to watch a fight with me until Paul fought Ben Askren.  And since that fight, my boy has been watching more boxing and UFC matches with his buddies… Including those that don't involve TikTokers.

That's a good thing.

I also have said on many occasions that even though Jake is a mediocre amateur cruiserweight boxer he is also one of the greatest self-promoters I have ever seen… And in a day-and-age where fights don't get made due to contract disputes and/or health-related issues, Team Problem Child has made TENS OF MILLIONS OF DOLLARS fighting twice in 2020 and at least 2 more times in 2021.

By comparison, one of the greatest fighters to ever live, Manny Pacquiao, hasn't set foot in a ring in over two years, and his next fight on August 21st will be against a (very good) last-minute replacement after his original opponent, Errol Spence Jr., had emergency surgery on his torn retina.

In short, I have been sitting with my dick in my hand for 2 years waiting to see Manny, while my kids are watching Jake every 5 months.

And… Again… The kid is getting PAID, which makes him a genius in my book.

But back to that list… There are 2 very good fighters written on that grease board- Canelo Alvarez and Gervonta Davis.

I think most people would be smart enough to know that Canelo versus Jake Paul would turn into a hate crime pretty quickly. Canelo has fought as high as light-heavy (just one division below cruiser), and I spoke to Canelo's trainer who told me he is comfortable walking around at 185 in gaps between fights.

So height would be the only advantage Jake would have in that fight, and it would not be nearly enough to keep that bout competitive.

Fortunately for Paul, that fight will never be made, so let's move on.

I admittedly know very little about the Diaz brothers… That's Robbie's world.  So I don't know if either of those fights could happen or who would win, but I have seen Kamaru Usman fight on more than one occasion, and even if he's not considered a traditional striker, I would bet my kidney on the "Nigerian Nightmare" if he were ever desperate enough to step in the ring against Jake.

Next up?… Tommy Fury.  And I think that even though the bout lacks star-power, it is still an intriguing fight to think about because Tommy is a professional fighter, BUT (much like Jake) he's not very good.

And he was on LOVE ISLAND.

Giphy Images.

At 6-0, his 6 wins have come against the following tomato cans: Jevgenijs Andrejevs (10–102–3), Callum Ide (0–26–2), Przemyslaw Binienda (2–26), Genadij Krajevskij (0-12), Scott Williams (0-15), and Jordan Grant (3-1).

And Tommy's next fight is on the undercard of Jake vs Woodley and against an MMA guy I have never heard of.

So both Tommy and Jake have swum in the same pool of mediocrity throughout their short careers, and if Tyson Fury gets involved on his cousin Tommy's behalf, then we may see some worthwhile fireworks. 

Next up is Conor McGregor, and I was so unimpressed with Conor versus Floyd (and everything else since Floyd, TBH), that I would gladly take Jake Paul if this fight ever materializes.

Giphy Images.

And I think Jake simply washes that guy KSI… Paul is bigger, stronger, and more experienced.

Then we get to Tank Davis, and The Tale Of The Tape for that fight would look RIDICULOUS.

At 6'1" and 190 pounds, Jake would look like a GIANT standing across the ring from a 5'5" Gervonta Davis who hovers around 135 pounds soaking wet.

That being said, Gervonta would hit Jake with so many fucking combinations, he would think he was surrounded.  Plus Davis has more than enough punching power to knock any mediocre amateur fighter into next week.

And he also throws body shots.

Giphy Images.

Due to the size differences, this fight would be an impossibility to make, and that's lucky for Jake Paul because a Gervonta Davis fight would also be impossible to win.

Giphy Images.

So this list may seem silly to some, but it is brilliant enough for me to feel compelled to write about it, and my interest in at least 1 or 2 of these potential matchups might just make me a de facto member of TEAM PROBLEM CHILD.

There's a possibility some personalities from Barstool might be boots-on-the-ground for Jake's next fight on August 29th… Not me, of course… But I am very curious to see what this young hustler does next.

Take a report.

-Large